TO MY YOUNGER SELF…
Often, we find ourselves looking back on the past, and maybe there were a few situations we would have encountered differently because now we have seen the outcomes and how it has impacted us.
I constantly find this thought process on my mind. And if I had the opportunity to address some key points to who I once was, it would go along this structure, and these words…
To my younger self,
This is more specifically addressed to you during the year of 2015, where insecurity continues to bully since 2012. I guess this could have been addressed to you as an 11-slash-12-year-old, however back then you wouldn’t have been able to properly grasp onto the message I’m trying to get across. 2015-Sarah is not only a bit older but has also regained a small spark of confidence ever since she started Musical Theatre classes and rehearsals. You enjoyed acting partly because, for once, you didn’t have to worry about who you were compared to other people, because you already knew who you were supposed to be. You had your script. (If only real life had a script)
My younger self…
DON’T BE SCARED WHEN YOU FEEL DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE:
You’ve heard the saying “we’re all unique!” and “everyone’s different” all too many times that the true meaning behind those words have glossed over your head. A distorted version of these sayings has filled your mind with questions of uncertainty. ‘Why is it that you’re so different from everyone else?’, ‘Why can’t you fit in?’
To answer these repetitive thoughts, it’s because: that’s not how you were created! You weren’t formed inside your mother’s womb to be the same as everyone around you.
Your gifts and talents are never something to be ashamed of but, are part of you. And make the world you live in a whole lot more interesting. It may not seem like it, but others do actually benefit from someone else’s point of view.
Your perspective matters.
At the moment, this is very hard to take in because you don’t feel accepted by others and haven’t for a long time. But that’s because you haven’t learnt to love and accept yourself or how God created you! You looked at yourself in the mirror in disgust, but little did you know what you see staring back at you with teary eyes, God spent precious moments on. He put time aside for you. I encourage you, as confusing as it is, don’t let the sense of confusion and worthlessness take over, because you are still on a journey of discovery. You’re still trying to figure out who you are, and this is supposed to be a fun adventure you take with God! And never alone!
Never alone!!
DON’T SEEK LOVE IN THE WRONG PLACES:
Take this piece of advice from a good friend of yours you meet a bit later on in life, “how can you expect to love others, when you are not in tune with the source of love itself?” (woah).
You find it extremely difficult to feel loved. You know what it’s supposed to feel like, as your family, friends, the internet, and books have all told you before. But you can’t understand that feeling and you haven’t for a great while. That’s because the world has distorted your vision of what love is!
Let me explain… Love is a choice. And God is love. So, until you choose God above all your other priorities, you will never understand what true love is, nor what it feels like. You may search for it from people around you, but that will cause you to lose yourself while trying to get their attention. That’s not love, that’s ‘trying to make a good impression’. They are two very different things. And sooner rather than later, people will see through that. Or, they will have obtained a certain image of you that is the complete opposite of who you are deep down.
Here's two things I greatly encourage you to try and how to do them:
Love yourself – It’s one of the biggest challenges you have been facing and will continue to battle with. But it’s most certainly do-able! Here’s some things that can help you with that…
Embrace what sparks your interest
Take note of the little things. Praise yourself for doing the smallest tasks and doing them well. After all, it’s the little things that count.
Remember that God is cheering you on with His heavenly pom-poms (it’s a fun visual)
Love God – you might be thinking ‘how on earth do I do this?’.
Remember, God is a companion. A friend! You can talk to him about anything!
By ‘talk’, I literally mean talk! Say what’s on your mind out loud. Whether it’s something you’re frustrated about, a burning question, a cry for help, or a simple ‘hello, hi. Uh… sup man, heyyyy…’. Get it off your chest! You have so much time to think, with not as much time to speak.
Take a look at nature! He created that! For you especially. It’s so pretty. It’s like a great present He wants you to notice, look after, and use to the best of your abilities
WHAT TO DO:
Choose God. For He knows what kind of intimacy you seek in life.
You know that bottomless void of yearning you try to fill up with anything and everything from mankind? That void was not made for the things of this world. It was made for you and your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Understand that when you are comfortable in your own skin; when you can love yourself, and God, is when your relationships with others grow into what they’re meant to be.
Times have changed, it is now the year 2020 and you’re stuck at home. It’s exactly where you thought you wouldn’t be this year. As tough as everything is and as much as it keeps on coming, all is not lost. You have hope. And you have what you didn’t have before. A knowledge of who God is, what His love is, and that He didn’t create you with any mistakes. You are who you are, and you have the capability to bring something only you can bring to this world. Be courageous and go try doing things you love while knowing that you are loved by the one who created the universe.
Oh, speaking of ‘love’… remember how you’d use to watch Saturday Disney on TV every weekend with your siblings until it was the late A.M.; or you had to leave for your netball game? Yeah, well you can do that again they have this thing called ‘Disney Plus’ now! – I’d highly recommend Wizards of Waverly Place featuring Selena Gomez. (Classic family banter AND magical wizardry? Sign me up!)
Sincerely,
Sarah Ratajczak.
Sarah is a curly-haired, 19-year-old from Perth WA who is extremely enthusiastic about coffee, adventuring, sunflowers, funky sweaters & groovy tunes. While her musical guilty pleasure is the soundtrack of Disney’s Ratatouille, Sarah enjoys listening to all kinds of musicians including Gang of Youths, Duke Ellington, Ziggy Alberts, & The Oh Hellos. Speaking of music, did you know Sarah use to be a member of a band in 2018? She gave up the muso life to study at Notre Dame in 2019, which she then deferred to volunteer for YMT in 2020. Sarah is currently serving her first year as a member for YMT Sydney and is a huge fan of NSW, with all its’ mountains and cafes she’s visited so far…