Hineini "Here I am"
For those of us who have been involved in Catholic mission before, in youth ministry or even just in the Catholic faith, we have most likely heard countless clichés about mission such as statements like; “It’s so challenging but so rewarding!”, “It was the best year of my life!”, “I grew so much as a person!”.
While all of these are true I’m sure, for whoever said them (myself guilty as charged), when asked to write a piece on following a missionary calling, I thought it would quickly fall on deaf ears if I told people what they’d already heard a hundred times over.
So I thought to myself what is, for me, the heart of a missionary calling and the missionary experience? How can I get past superficial descriptions and write something that speaks to the truth of mission?
For some context, I spent one year doing voluntary mission work for Youth Mission Team (for whom I am now writing this blog post) and had a “life changing experience!”. I also did two years total of paid work on and off for an organisation called 24:7 Youth Ministry and “my perspective was totally changed!”. While I am writing this blog post I am living in Samoa working with the Salesian religious order as a lay missionary (i.e. not a priest) in a local parish and teaching in a local high school, which I have found “absolutely amaz… you get the idea.
My missionary experiences, while all truly being in equal measures challenging and rewarding, have been vastly different from one another in many ways. My mission with YMT incorporated structured lifestyle commitments and support networks which were essential to keeping a missionary alive in such a fun but fast paced and frontline form of evangelisation. My work with 24:7 and my work with the Salesians have both been much more self directed and less structured but each with their own very different cultural obstacles that have greatly differentiated them from YMT and each other. In praying and reflecting on what I have learnt from all three organisations and all three missions, though, one resounding theme came to mind.
This core concept of mission takes many different names and forms in different missionary contexts but in Salesian terminology (based on the teachings of St. Don Bosco), it is known as “presence”. St. Don Bosco couldn’t have stressed more the importance of presence in mission. By being fully present to the youth you are ministering to, you are allowing God to be present to them in your example and your relationships. But missionary “presence” also entails being present to God and letting Him be present to you.
Presence in ministry is also one of the fundamental facets of the YMT approach, but becomes most apparent in “relational ministry”. This is the term used to describe how YMT members relate to and build relationships with the youth that they see on ministry days or in youth groups. They do this in order to witness God’s love to them and encourage them to become part of a committed community of faith if they aren’t already. This was always my favourite thing by far about my mission work during my time on YMT and I’m sure most YMT alumni would second that.
No matter the missionary environment I have found myself in or what words are used to describe this concept, presence has always been at the heart of my prayer life and my relationships with others while on mission.
When I first started my YMT year back in 2020, I was introduced to an old Jewish form of prayer that is centred around the Hebrew word hineini, pronounced “hih-NAY-nee” and written as “ִנֵֽנִה “in Hebrew script (for the countless Hebrew speakers reading this post and shamelessly used as click-bait in the title).
The word means, “here I am” and it is used extensively throughout the Old and New Testaments. From when the Lord calls out to Abraham about to sacrifice Isaac on the mountain (Genesis 22:1), or to Moses by the burning bush (Exodus 3:4) and they both respond with “hineini”. Or to when the Lord calls out to Adam in the garden and he hides from God, avoiding the sacred word and denying the Lord his presence (Genesis 3:9-10). In saying or singing this word over and over in prayer, you begin to focus on God’s presence in your life and begin to be more intentionally present to Him.
At this point, I want to go off course slightly and make two statements that don’t immediately seem connected to presence. They may also seem controversial to those who haven’t heard them (but will probably seem like one of those clichés I mentioned before to those who have, so apologies if that’s you).
The first is that God doesn’t really think of life in terms of narrow definitions such as “on mission” or “not on mission”. Instead, we are called to live radically for God in all settings. This means that mission in a traditional sense doesn’t really exist but at the same time mission is everything, and as Christians we’re always on mission.
The second is that you can’t make any difference on mission as an individual. In your own strength your contribution is essentially futile. Instead, it’s God who does all of the work and you just participate. Why? Because you want to be present with Him and He’s begging you to be present with Him because He loves you. Anyone who’s done mission before will know that you often won’t see any fruits of your labour for years (if at all) and what you do see often looks much more like God’s work than your own. So mission certainly isn’t about coming in with big ideas and trying to change the world. Rather, it’s about being present with God and letting him do everything through you (“I can do all things in Him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13). This can then also be applied to the Christian life generally which, as mentioned previously, is really the same thing.
So if mission and the everyday Christian life are the same thing, then how can you discern a missionary calling and why does doing a specific form of mission like YMT actually matter?
To answer this question I want to discuss the word “calling”. A calling is really better thought of in the words “God is calling me” than “I feel a calling”. It’s God whose calling you after all, and he’s not giving you a calling like a letter or some physical object, he’s actually calling your name like with Moses or Abraham. Why is he calling you? He’s calling you because he wants you to come closer to him and to heaven, because at the end of the day heaven is being present with God. It’s not about running and hiding from God in the garden in shame, but walking with him in the cool of the day. He’s calling to you, hoping you’ll call back “hineini”.
This call to deeper love is always exciting and full of adventure… And sometimes it’s to join an organisation like YMT… Once we are present with God, our will is united with His. It was said of Saint Mother Teresa and her missionary journey, that her will was so united with God’s that she could do whatever she wanted. This is a person who was truly present with God, truly close to God and, therefore, truly on mission. The best discernment advice I ever received (and the advice that helped me say yes to every missionary experience I’ve had) was based on Mother Teresa’s example. “Unite yourself with God’s presence and His will, then just do whatever you want”. That’s what I was told, and for me, that really did totally change my perspective.
So a missionary calling is really God tugging on your heart strings. It’s a passion, a fire in your belly to grow more in love with God who loves you so much and embrace the crazy adventures that come with that. It’s a feeling that is deeper than fear or judgement from others, the thing that deep down you know is right. This could be almost anything because in my experience, God loves to surprise us with where he choses to call us. However, every calling springs forth from the presence of God in you, calling you to even greater intimacy, an even closer presence, an even greater love.
So to sum things up. Mission is just about living heaven on earth, it’s not about achieving any great goal or succeeding in any great pursuit. I think that’s what mother Teresa meant when she said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” I know, Mother Teresa again, sue me.
It’s about presence and relationship. Relationship directly with God and indirectly with Him through others. The path to sainthood and eternal happiness in heaven, as well as on earth, is all about bringing heaven into your life on earth.
Life is for living to the full. Freedom comes from only trying to please God who loves you perfectly instead of trying to please the world. When all that matters to you is presence with God, and you can go where your heart leads you in joy and passion and freedom, then you’ve found heaven on earth and you’ve found mission
I’m Sebastian and I’m 23 years old. I did Youth Mission Team back in 2020 (in Melbourne and Perth). Was a crazy year but possibly the best in my life. Perth is my hometown but I’m originally from Oxford in the UK and moved to Australia when I was 13. Was born to South African and Zimbabwean-Mauritian parents so I’m a bit of a cultural mongrel. I’m passionate about languages, love travel and international experiences, love to dance and love music. Most of all, I love God. I feel blessed to be able to share my faith and I’m excited for whatever else God has in store for me.